Nasty Indigestion

I dont know if i'd be largely understood here.
But, i shall write anyway.

Ok, so here goes.

I like to normalize things.(well,yeah?)
i mean, i'd like for life to just be straight cut, and not meander too much,anymore,for me.

I'd like to wake up, feeling non-heavy.And get going with a zombie like day, that ends neatly with a 10pm i'm-off-to-bed agenda.
But sadly, or usually, this is not how it goes.

I want to convey things in a way, but end up maneuvering them the other side.
I want to say, i love you, i end up saying, Thankgod no body loves you.
I want to say , i want to be here, i end up saying, I'd go back.

Further to this tragedy, i managed to pull up am extraordinary fight with my grandmum last night(the second time in a month) on tv watching. I pulled up gory details on family know-hows and made up a delicious mess out of rumblings.

I cannot help but think that im a confused block of undigested mustard right now, someone who just cannot figure out the "want" in her life. I want to convey something or nothing(mostly) and end up saying the weird things or a lot of other many weirder things(mostly).

I am anything but sorted, right now.
Also, and but, im happy that my month long internship with HT kolkata ends today.
ill not be exposed to ill-thinking(or non thinking) folks around here.and would like to happily forget that i harbored a liking towards the harry potter lookalike in the team.

Anyhow, back to what i started writing about,i need to understand and find out about what i like about staying in kolkata? Because clearly,staying here isn't the most awesome vacation, to begin with.
Im pretty much on the do-it-yourself mode here. My grandpys are old enough to not cater to the perfect vacation help guide menu dummy parenters.

They fight with me. Dadu doesnot speak.
Its more stress,more conflict,more irritability and more block thinking for me here, and all the random anonymity,just doesnot work anymore. I know atleast more than a few people here now. Thanks to this one month, NOT-SO-FANCY media jerk-off job.

I need to speculate on the why of kol, while i almost simultaneously deal with the how of delhi.
I wonder if i really need a complete full stop? not atleast for the next one year though.
Im acting extremely disgusting right now,i know it; but try dealing with semi colons each hour? you'll know what i feel.